And I ask myself, how did I get here?

As my senior year at SJU came to a close, I talked at length with my professors about graduate school. At the time I was working on exciting, fun projects, and wanted to do more. They talked about conferences and publishing; doing something 'new'. If only I hadn't already accepted a 'real' job... That just sounded so boring to me. But, I have an appetite for money... Anyway, my professors kept prodding me to go to graduate school, in a year. At the time, I thought, "Great idea".

Fast forward to September, and I had completely written off grad school. I was making good money, and having fun. But, my girlfriend was dead set on going to school, and pointed out that I frequently complained about wasting my life in a cube. What to do? I love the easy life of work, but I hate that my life will amount to a cog in a machine. Why not try to do something extraordinary? And, don't worry, I am being honest with myself. I am not extraordinary, but, I know extraordinary people who do ordinary things... maybe I can take their spot. To this day, I am still unsure about grad school, if it's right for me, if I can do it. But I wanted my choice to be about the actual life I would live, not how hard or easy it would be to attain. I didn't want to stick with the easy route simply because it is easy.

Realizing that I was behind the curve in a number of areas, I went out and bought piles of GRE test prep books. My girlfriend conned me into studying every weekend. Well, more her teaching me how to add/subtract. (She is from Eastern Europe, and therefore had a calculator inserted into her brain at birth).

The GRE came and went, and I did alright. Alright! I met my goal (a 700 on Math), and had to get ready for the next step: the GRE CS Subject Test. So, I repeated the process for this next test, only I had less time for harder test. Totally bombed it. I was ready to give up, "screw that". I told myself all along that I wouldn't be mad if I quit, as long as I had a valid excuse. But... I always had a problem quitting things. So I continued.

I started filling out applications. My list of schools was small and set in stone way before I ever started this process: the University of Minnesota (UMN), or anywhere in California. The driving force behind this dream of something better was a secret desire to live in California, in the hotbed of technology that is Silicon Valley. I sent my applications in around January, and forgot all about it for a few months...

My girlfriend started to hear back from schools, and was accepted to UMN early on. I still hadn't heard anything. I wasn't even sure I wanted to get accepted, then I would actually have to make a tough choice. She went on her tours, I went to work. As time passed, I became more accustomed to life in Corporate America. I was thinking long term - 401k's, houses, white picket fences. Who needs some pipe dream when I just got promoted - I can go buy the new iPhone!

In late May, out of the blue, I received an acceptance letter from UMN. Later that week, I get a call from a professor, wanting to know what I think about this particular fellowship he has to offer. Hmm...

What to do? I had spent the last couple of months planning my future, forgetting about the idea of going back to low money/high stress living. I had tons of money, which enabled me to do anything my friends wanted to do. I ate out all the time, bought tons of toys and gadgets, and went on some great vacations. It was awesome. Yet, I missed Saint John's, and became more and more depressed at work. I began to think that the money wasn't worth what I was giving up: my dreams.

Then the professor had one line for me, "Do you want to be a General - or a grunt?"